Classical Sass

(17) Things That Were In My Bathroom Closet

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7 bottles of shampoo. which is either weird or par considering i haven’t showered in roughly two years.

4 bottles of vitamin A. i’m not sure what vitamin A does. probably something re health.

tweezers. so. many. tweezers. splinters don’t even look at this house anymore. unibrows cry softly and escape to the safety of unwashed armpits.

1 tube of bacon toothpaste. someone probably thought that was an amusing gift but really, it probably cost $5 and you could get actual bacon for that amount. come on, people.

half a bottle of organic froo froo mouthwash that tastes the way cat anus smells.

1 bottle of alpha lipoic acid, which i’m reasonably certain was used at least twice in Breaking Bad.

Rash cream from Germany. I’ve never been to Germany. Also, I’ve never had a rash. No one has. what even is a rash.

12 opened but still half full boxes of alka seltzer cold and flu relief

something that might be a dog nail clipper but also could be one of those sponges that used to be alive. texture is indiscriminate.

a black miasma at the back left corner. it made sounds. this project is over.

***y’all, i’m flailing today with this post/writing at large, and whatever hahaha braindribbles. we just finished putting together our living room, i have 7 jillion things that have to get done today that probably won’t bc #adulting, and basically, clean out the fucking bathroom closet from time to time because what if gremlins.

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