Classical Sass

(124) Guys, Dave won’t date feminists anymore

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Sometimes, a confused man (depending on your definition) writes a bunch of words in between sadly abused grammar aids like periods and commas, and then decorates his tower of leaky shit nuggets with equally sad links.

If anyone is confused about why the links in the first paragraph of this article are based on a grand total of three IQ points, terminally ill empathy, and possibly some very serious amounts of pot, please take a little time out to repair your relationship with Google. Bitch Media has an epic article out on them, as does Vice, Polygon, sinmantyx, and attn:. Quoting statistics is all neat and tidy until you are a giant pustule at context. No, I’m not attaching links. If you want to avoid confirmation bias, do the fucking work.

He starts his next paragraph off with this,

‘Political issues have been creeping into the bedroom. Now, they’re in romance. Because of the hateful culture, men are now demanding “consent texts” on campus before engaging in raunchy, post-party one night stands.’

I mean, it is, truly, hate that would cause an over abundance of caution with regard to consent, after all. Got me there, Dave!

Ok so but wait because then there’s this paragraph,

There’s plenty of examples of how the justice system has failed victims. But, it also fails men. The Father’s Rights Movement reports that only 14 percent of custodial parents are fathers. Mothers are more likely to be awarded child support. Women are more likely to graduate college, they live longer, are less likely to die in the workplace, less likely to go to prison and extremely less likely to die in war-time combat.’

I…ok. So A) the first two sentences after the part about how the justice system fails men are fucking redundant, Dave. They say the same fucking thing. If mothers are more likely to be awarded custody, then of course they will be receiving child support. What the bare minimum fuck is up with two sentences for the same bullshit thought. Further, the entire thing is right up against the failure in legislation and repercussions regarding oh I don’t know rape so excuse me while I whip out the world’s tiniest ukulele and warble a special tune I wrote just for you called ‘Hump This Cactus Daily’. B) Being more likely to graduate college and being less likely to die in the workplace (cubicles HATE men so much more. And they are never persecuted. Misandry much? Ugh. This is why more men are promoted out of cubicles. It’s about safety) has zero to do with the justice system. Unless, of course, the connection you haven’t bothered to articulate is that all the menfolk are in jail because they don’t have custody of their kids and also are dead from combat. Wait what. C) There are some articles out on male aggression. Also some stats on which gender is prone to violence. Seriously; Google. D) Getting women more representation in the military is actually something women have been fighting for. Current stats on that (again, Google) have a lot to do with why they are less likely to die in war-time combat. Unless, of course, you’re referring to the whole ‘women and children first!’ thing during an attack, because if so, I totally agree with you there. ‘Men first! Preferably white!’ is way better, but a good alternative would also be: ‘everyone just run at the door and whoever is the biggest, pushiest, asshole will maybe be rescued! Onward humanity!’

When it comes to dating, I don’t care about any of that. Unless you do.’

It’s just so generous. *weeps girlishly

People who are more loyal to their gender and not their significant other don’t make good partners. They will always look at you as inherently more fortunate than them. They’ve bought into the “battle of the sexes” mentality and it often pervades their perceptions of romance. Romance turns into a power struggle rather than a partnership.’

Words are hard. ‘Loyal’ totally means the same as ‘disregarding evidence and behavior in favor of full body blushing and inexplicable swooning.’ It’s frustrating when people don’t know those are the same thing. I hear you. I am totally disloyal to my husband when I want my boss to focus on my actual performance rather than how much I bake at home. I admit to confusing what I wanted to eat with what he ordered for me, and I didn’t even hear his explanation for why I wanted it because I was too busy usurping all the power. I’m so bad at romance. But, to be fair, hubs was bad at it, too, because in reality, he let me order what I wanted and didn’t explain anything, and then actually didn’t feel like less of a manly man when I held the door open for him and didn’t expect flowers. We just ruined power forever, didn’t we. Sigh.

*There’s a line in there about how abortion law is oppressive to men, but I just can’t with it right now as it’s 1am and really, really, if he’s the Prince of Noble Fictitious Penalty fighting to both bear and have his kids, then all that’s left is jealousy and this bucket of wine to fill the vast pit of insufficiency that is not bearing his seed in an all out hurrah for his sacrifice. Ew I just vomited in my mouth a little. Oh well. #fuckit

‘Often times, anti-male or anti-female rhetoric is rooted in a previous bad experience.’

YES DAVE THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. IT IS CALLED ‘HISTORY’. YOU FUCKING BEANIE WEARING MICRO DICK. Google. Learn about how not all history took place a jillion years ago. Some of it just the fuck happened. !!! Yes. Google.

His last paragraph meeps about differences. Except wait, now I’m annoyed because I totally agree that differences are beautiful and we should embrace them. I just forgot that ‘embrace’ means ‘pretend like the differences don’t matter’ and ‘quit being so melodramatic about fictitious things, you big silly’ and ‘the differences involved are better if I gaslight them for you with these bullshit links’.

Here’s a thought, Dave. How about don’t worry about dating any of us at all? I’m relatively certain none of us are concerned in the slightest.


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