Today has been a hilly Medium day for me. I posted a personal trigger laden concern rant of mine last night, and promptly freaked out that 75 bootstrap priests would come for me with their satchels of exposure and bibles of faux merit. I’ve been in a darkish place lately because people I love are leaving Medium in what feels like a steady, if slow, stream of glittering beauty that I’ll never be able to track in quite the same way once the current shifts from its origin.
As is my wont when spirals blink the dust from their eyes and focus their beady glare upon my will, I was prepared to dive head first into the swarming turds of confusion and hurt and just let the smelly tide take me where it wanted. I thought, well everyone’s fleeing but don’t worry because every troll’s cousin will be there to tell you about how you just weren’t good enough.
The comments started to roll in, and I got sucked into half a dozen conversations, each of them offering me different views and ideas without making me feel like an ignorant nubbin dick. My Medium fam came to collect me from my guano laced ceiling of shenanigans, and presented me with exactly everything I needed to put my brain back together and walk the fuck back down to the floor. It was prompt and deliberate and unhesitating.
I have angry words, too. Some of the behavior as of late has baffled me (not in MY Medium fam, thank you very much; they are all lovely) and people have been hurt in ways that involve abuse of trust and respect. It’s hard for me to type the anger, though, because I’m still very selfishly basking in the glow of good threads and reaffirmed connection. It’s hard for me to type that anger now, but it’s there and I have words. Swear words. To say about it.
I’ll go there t0morrow.
After wines and sleep.
After all, how good is cardio without adequate prep?