1.Bright eyed bushy tailed and on fire because fuck morning people. Sleep in.
2. Herbal tea soaked chia with a hit of apple cider vinegar, because everyone needs a foolproof polisher for their ice pick collection.
3. Seven vats of coffee.
6. Don’t stop
7. Wait stop time for wines
8. Except oops work that pays bills and stuff
9. Maintain writerly focus during job by mentally trash talking your boss using only words that start with the letter V
10. R is a fun letter, too
11. Head home, aka resist beating the neighbor’s smug gnome fucklet into their perky-like-jealous-vomit lawn with your baseball bat that you have at all times with you even though what is sports
12. Get really excited about an amazing blog idea and have all of a sudden details and the entire ending skipping laughy pants style in your head as you fling your coat at a chair and nose dive for your pajamas.
13. Laugh to yourself about all the jokes you’re going to write into your post as you pour the wines and
14. Oops three hours of Criminal Minds love you Netflix
15. Frantic style write down a helpful reminder line about the amazing blog idea
16. The line reads:
But keep it lines only because funny
17. Hey look a horror movie we haven’t seen yet oh
18. Get the laptop out and start typing.
19. Let the excitement flow through your fingers into a teasing intro
20. Panic because who the fuck do you think you are, trying to write a post with detail and nuance hahahaha you’re such a drunken gerbil
21. Get smart (ie hubs gently suggests after you beg him to make a suggestion and then you yell belligerently for ten minutes before realizing no ok that’s brilliant/good sure thank you yes ok) and write out an outline
22. Panic seven more times because WHY IS THIS OUTLINE SO LONG AND INVOLVED WHOSE FUCKASS IDEA WAS THIS
23. Also panic because what even is humor you definitely can’t pull this off
24. Decide to put on some Criminal Minds to help get relaxed and focused
25. Realize the post can be really great. But not if you rush it. Slow, unclenched, typing.
26. Which isn’t going to happen because pahahaha midnight.
27. Write a listicle.