- My pants
a) if they really deserved to be worn, then the very least they’d do is be visible.
b) oh right there they are ugh fine
- My coffee
a) how do you lose track of the one thing that is preventing you from melting Debra’s face off with your laser-like disdain
b) oh hey you didn’t lose it; your dog drank it. that’s why. This Is Your Life.
- My knitting progress
a) skeins that lie about their gauge should rot in the yarn version of Sisyphean hell*. *being perpetually vomited up by an apathetic cat
b) whatever not all hats have to go on heads. some can go on Satan’s nads because fuck this yarn.
- My stoic bitchface
a) Kid walks in to her lesson. She’s maybe 7 or 8. And she’s super down, face to the floor, shuffly feet.
I’m all: Hey, Lily (names changed obvs)! How was your break?
And she’s all muttering to the floor: Fine. I didn’t practice.
Me: That’s what breaks are for! What kind of break would it be if you didn’t take a break? That’s a silly kind of break.
Her (woeface): I didn’t even remember to think about practicing though.
Me: Whoa, that is amazing. How lucky are you, that you were able to forget so well! That’s 100% break, isn’t it? Some people only ever get like 60% break, but you got every last drop! Was it a good break? Were all those drops really good?
Her (slow sneaky smile): Yeah. I had a good break.
Me: Could you imagine how tired you would be if you only had like half that break? Or none at all?
Her (beam with her entire face): I bet I still remember everything!
Me (sloppy grin, borderline weeping)
b) Next student comes in and plays his entire piece in the wrong key. Insists that is how I told him to do it.
- My sanity
a) oops what even is education what are words proficiency doesn’t happen without growth so why differentiate at all what conversations aren’t we having a conversation right now what even is ongoing who are you do you even know that growth is a myth just like evolution hahahaha shmience but don’t worry about any of that bc we’ll all be very safe from grizzly bears
b) well that’s ok. i suppose my sanity is most comfortable smeared across the staircase amongst the dollops of yarn vomit from the cat.