Classical Sass

(251) Things I have lost and found today

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(Dilbert, of course)
  1. My pants 
    a) if they really deserved to be worn, then the very least they’d do is be visible.
    b) oh right there they are ugh fine
  2. My coffee
    a) how do you lose track of the one thing that is preventing you from melting Debra’s face off with your laser-like disdain
    b) oh hey you didn’t lose it; your dog drank it. that’s why. This Is Your Life.
  3. My knitting progress
    a) skeins that lie about their gauge should rot in the yarn version of Sisyphean hell*. *being perpetually vomited up by an apathetic cat 
    b) whatever not all hats have to go on heads. some can go on Satan’s nads because fuck this yarn.
  4. My stoic bitchface
    a) Kid walks in to her lesson. She’s maybe 7 or 8. And she’s super down, face to the floor, shuffly feet. 
    I’m all: Hey, Lily (names changed obvs)! How was your break?
    And she’s all muttering to the floor: Fine. I didn’t practice. 
    Me: That’s what breaks are for! What kind of break would it be if you didn’t take a break? That’s a silly kind of break. 
    Her (woeface): I didn’t even remember to think about practicing though.
    Me: Whoa, that is amazing. How lucky are you, that you were able to forget so well! That’s 100% break, isn’t it? Some people only ever get like 60% break, but you got every last drop! Was it a good break? Were all those drops really good?
    Her (slow sneaky smile): Yeah. I had a good break. 
    Me: Could you imagine how tired you would be if you only had like half that break? Or none at all? 
    Her (beam with her entire face): I bet I still remember everything! 
    Me (sloppy grin, borderline weeping)
    b) Next student comes in and plays his entire piece in the wrong key. Insists that is how I told him to do it.
  5. My sanity
    a) oops what even is education what are words proficiency doesn’t happen without growth so why differentiate at all what conversations aren’t we having a conversation right now what even is ongoing who are you do you even know that growth is a myth just like evolution hahahaha shmience but don’t worry about any of that bc we’ll all be very safe from grizzly bears 
    b) well that’s ok. i suppose my sanity is most comfortable smeared across the staircase amongst the dollops of yarn vomit from the cat.

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