Classical Sass

(267) Because Reading is Fun

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Seven kidney beans in a saucepan. (or, John Downman’s The Ghost of Clytemnestra Awakening the Furies, 1781.)

I had a shitty day so basically I came right home, poured the wines, and then picked the most fucktastrophic article I could find because that’s how I roll.

Here it is!

1. What is the fucking point of this article. Let’s consider all the possibilities.

a) Coral Tapir is a human with feelings stemming from likewise human insecurities if we could all just be understanding and kind about it ok

b) He is good on the inside we just have to be big enough to see it.

c) My boss is mad because everyone already knows what an unmitigated dumpster fire our country is right now and he needed a new take so here’s this three pronged nubbin dick of an insight into his character that literally zero people wanted to know about. HERE IT IS.

d) That’s it. Those are all of the possibilities.

2. Presuming anything is detrimental to an unchecked narcissistic sadist is both sloppy and naive.

3. What was the point of this article.

4. Sort of people took it seriously??? SORT OF???? THEY SORT OF UNFUCKED TOOK IT CRUSTY PUCKER STYLE SERIOUSLY SORT OF???? Have you had enough time to get over your shock about that? Because it’s been a minute and 47 shit ravines and possibly you could maybe say something less pervasively asinine about it.

5. Still looking for the point of the article tho.

6. He’s going to…he wants to hand it…he wants…to find a…he…

what are words.

why make the funny shaped symbols mean anything. what is meaning.

First of all, unfuck the idea that intentions matter this much. Unfuck a good intention until it’s smooth like a ken doll.

Second, will someone please, for sunbaked shit’s sake, just find the jizz robed voter fraud?????? JUST THE FUCK FIND IT SO WE CAN ALL FINALLY RELISH THAT SLICE OF CAT VOMIT ALTERNATIVE PIE and we can, you know, go back to screaming over people getting shot by guns that we totally have to have because grizzly bears.

7. The FUCKING point of this article ok.

8. Alternatively factishism style, I would like to point out that if ‘loving’ Captain Tangerine Flannel Moth involves reinventing ‘science’ so that whenever I scream, liquid shit spews from my maw like an enthusiastic fountain of glorious stanky neglect 500ft into the dismayed sky, then HS needn’t worry because I’m already there. #altfactsftw


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