1. Any conversation with someone who is still somehow a member of the GOP.
2. A dude thought he might snatch the last gruyere out from under my hand in the cheese aisle at Harris Teeter.
3. A student picking their nose and then just standing there with the fruits of their labor glistening snidely on their fingertip.
4. A pile of folded laundry would not go into the drawer easily or quickly enough.
5. Anyone making puns at me.
6. Bell peppers.
7. Catfish that isn’t heavily deep fried and spiced thoroughly. Fuckit, catfish period. No.
8. All of any of my dogs at any time period. Right the fuck now, for example. It’s one grundle freckle past the hour of vague sanity and here they all are thinking I might take them all for a run. PUT MY SHOES DOWN ASSHATS. Ugh.
9. A lady (Debra) thinks maybe if I paid more attention to my thought patterns then I wouldn’t have beetus.
10. A lady (still Debra) is certain that love is powerful enough to be better than healthcare.
11. A lady (Debra again) likes to wax nostalgic over her rough and tumble days in college when her only down time was her family ski vacation every winter.
12. A lady (yup) is sad about wrong things, it’s just such a shame none of it has anything to do with her nor will she do anything about it because it’s none of her business tsk tsk
13. A lady (one day she’ll be named Katie and you’ll never get over it) tried to tell me about that one time a guy nearly took her job but then she worked hard and married twelve bootstraps and then wore them all like a fringe skirt and had a great big reception where everyone gave her more bootstraps and so everything turned out ok.
14. A lady (maybe it will be Claire, you don’t know) thinks that apologizing for every moderately snarky thing she says makes her a better person and is completely offended when you tell her that there’s a difference between snark and honesty.
15. A lady read this and was amused in a concerned way that someone with her name could be so perpetually clueless, but then poof no worries because wohoo 7th Heaven reruns YAY
16. Our cat licks his entire rear end bald and then insists on placing his anus an inch from my nose. Screams for several minutes if I even think of moving.