Classical Sass

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(353) Words That Confuse Me No Matter How Hard I Try


Convex/concave. I just googled it. Again. For the nine jillionth time. One of them goes in and one goes out but like I thought that was the end of it and then a scientist shmoofy said things at me about no be aware because refraction glass angle lines-atomyology and so basically this is just one more reason all mirrors should sit in that same famed bag of dicks.

Irony. Y’all ruined it with your no that’s not REAL irony no it’s not not REALLY not TRULY not EXACTLY. Fuck y’all. What even is it now. No one knows. You killed irony and now everything just means what it means with nothing creative happening. Good job. Gold star.

Doppelgänger. I thought it just meant evil twin, usually a spirit. But then a German friend of mine was like no just anyone who looks similar and they’re German so I’m wrong and then another German buddy was all well but mythology so now it’s ruined and I can never use it.

Composite. I know what it means but I have to pronounce it COM-posit. And I think that’s not right. I’m not even googling anymore. No. Enough is enough.

Friend. I know what the word means to me, but some folks have definitions that make me doubt my own facial expressions. Which is fine, but what happens when someone is like ‘you are my friend!’ and you’re like ‘we had lunch once and then you sent me drawings you made of me getting changed and I called the police’? I feel like definitions need to have some guidelines, maybe.

Spice. Folks want salt to be a spice. I know in my heart it is not a spice but folks are loud about it being a spice. I don’t want to die so I just get confused and have wines because then I stop caring when it comes up.

Embarrassed. Too many same letters and all in a row. What even is that shit.

Nauseous/nauseated. I google this one at least weekly. Mostly because I am frequently…nauseated. Because the former causes the feeling and the latter is the feeling. But this is a bunch of shit tainted malarkey because nauseated does not sound like the feeling. We don’t even need examples to parse its fuckery. It’s past tense. All the time. I can’t. This is awful. I am nauseate.

Crop-dusting/dust-cropping. Dust-cropping is not a thing. But I say it anyway. Every time. I’m hopeless. This is why everyone gets a block button.