Classical Sass

(333) Things That Are Not Like Slavery At All

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1. Your parents expecting you to do chores around the house

2. Homework

3. A job for which you get paid

4. A job for which you do not get paid

5. Obamacare

6. A hobby that does not pay

7. A hobby that does pay

8. Being offered work without pay

9. Being offered anything at all

10. Black kids getting into college while you, with your six years of Girl Scouts and grammatically challenged college essay on That One Time I Rescued a Raccoon, are stuck with a non-negotiable gap year and several decades of belligerence.

11. Being criticized

12. Being yelled at

13. Being white, Christian, male, and/or straight in America

14. Having to compliment food at a dinner party and all of it tastes like the tips of your fingers after you’ve wedged them into the musty seats of your grandma’s Buick from 1970.

Things that are like slavery:

1. Slavery

*Pro tip: if you have to use ‘like’ before you use ‘slavery’, you’re missing the entire point of the word.

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