Classical Sass

(299) Ode on a Trio of Dog Farts

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Notice the lack of guilt anywhere in this pic.

Dog farts are stubborn
They sit on the ass fur of their birth
while sending their cousins 
sliding down walls and across the table 
with their fumes

Dog farts are not all silent
sometimes they squeak like post chili laughter 
high pitched and slightly wet
while your beast looks vaguely alarmed
and his anus looks smug

Dog farts are not predictable
unless you have company
or clean sheets on the bed
or you fed them people food
because what does it really feel like to regret a sausage

Dog farts know no mercy
they shirk patience and pleas and
chuckle at the silent treatment
watching your eyes water and your lips curl
with stanky unabashed glee

Dog farts are hideous and awful
and they fit our family like snarky t shirts and coffee
They coat the couch in odor, 
weave regret into the very fibers of our clothes,
render arson optional

Dog farts are a disaster
And they happen every day
Just three more stinky reasons
to embrace daily disasters 
and love the fart(s) you’re with


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